She Chose Her Favorite

Remember when you were little and you would argue with siblings about who was the favorite child? There would be innocent fighting and silly competition….It gets to become a little bit different when the both of you become adults. It turns into secrets and backstabbing. The trust you once had for your parent to never leave your side is gone. They chose their favorite. They were there for your older sibling through every single breakup and every achievement. But I guess once you get into your twenties that parent doesn’t want to do it all over again. They choose their favorite. They choose to leave you. They choose to put themselves before you. They choose to put the other child before you.

My mother has worked behind my back with my older brother to leave me once I leave for my Junior year of college. She has chose to move halfway across the world behind my back. I know she has her reasons to do so but she doesn’t care to see the impact it will have on me. The nights where I had a hard day and I just want my mom’s hugs or her homemade banana bread to cheer me up will no longer be there for me. I’ll get to see her over a phone screen. That’s it. I’ll have to give my dogs away to a loving home because she was their caretaker. I won’t have the emotional support I once got from her. I’ll maybe get to see her two times a year. She won’t make it to see me graduate from college, to see me marry the love of my life, to see me have her first grandchild. She won’t be there for the process. But lets remember, she was there for the other child. But I guess I’m on my own now. I should be grateful that I have a father who wants to continue to support me through thick and thin. He hasn’t chosen a favorite and every parent should do the same.

My body…please wait 

I’m sorry you don’t feel loved

I promise to fall in love with you one day

I’m working on it 

Please give me time

Time to love the stretch marks on my thighs 

Time to stop weighing myself every hour

Time to stop staring at every blemish 

I know you have been waiting so long

20 years 

I’m sorry I’m keeping you waiting 

Overthinking

I feel cold, too cold

for someone whose heart is

always racing

pulsing

skipping

stopping

and then speeding back up again.

Pills, therapists, and self-harm try their best to work

but who am i kidding? the only thing that works

is you.

you are my treatment

ingesting you like my pills

confiding in you like a client
tearing you apart like you’re the skin on my fingers

but you could fail me

like everything else

will you?

 

 

 

The Week Before Winter Break as Told by Portlandia

Ah, winter break is right around the corner and we all know what that means to us college students….COOKED food and a bed that does NOT feel like a rock. This last week before our 5 weeks of freedom is the toughest because we’re so close yet so far from running away from these final exams. So let’s rejoice with our coffee and irritability for the next couple of nights because we’ll be home soon!

Portlandia knows exactly how we’re all feeling right about now:

  • When you see classmates at the club while you’re thinking about all the exams that need to be studied for, and final papers that need to be written.

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  • You already know how much you have to do, so when someone reminds you…

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  • “I already finished writing my papers and I have absolutely no exams to study for!”

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  • When you finally start to notice how bad you have been eating all semester…

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  • You have a week left but it’s too late…you’ve already gone insane.tumblr_n4tahermtu1qhcd6po1_500

  • When you’ve been procrastinating for so long that your roomies have to yell at you to STOP WATCHING NETFLIX AND WRITE THAT FREAKING ESSAY.

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  • You’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thanks, college.

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  • Let’s be positive, guys…Christmas is in two weeks!!

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Please Read This When You’re Feeling Anxious

As a young adult diagnosed with anxiety, social anxiety, and occasional panic attacks, I know how impossible completing simple tasks can be day-to-day. Sometimes my anxiety medication cannot help me completely and I have to resort to the power of my own thoughts to comfort my anxieties. So, to anyone out there dealing with the crushing pain of any type of anxiety, please read this, because sometimes positive words are more powerful than your prescription.

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  • Try your best to NOT overthink…I know this sounds insane, but I always use these words to help me through an overthinking fit.

    1. “Your mind is not that powerful, so you’re not going to change anything by worrying about something excessively.”

    2. “Just let it all be; whatever happens, will happen, no matter how much you think about it.”

    3. “Concentrate on your senses…look around, smell, and feel….notice how alive you are.”

 

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  • In social situations, think about the other people, and not yourself. I have terrible anxiety when I’m in bigger group situations and I always think about these words to help me through it.

    • “They want to hear what you have to say.”

    • “Focus on your breathing….limit your thoughts.”

    • “They’re all just like you.”

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  • During a panic attack I experience really fast breathing, shaking, and pure insanity. Your attacks may be more calm to a certain extent, but these words can help you calm down.

    • “Breathe in for 5 seconds….breathe out for 5 seconds….and repeat until you are calm.”

    • “Think of the positives…your favorite movies, music, and celebrity; what makes you happy?”

    • “Call a friend, let it all out.”

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To an extent, words may not help, but we have to realize that if we can cause the anxiety, we can calm down the anxiety. Life is too short to focus on the what-ifs. You’ll be amazed to see how beautiful life is when you actually sit down and focus on your current surroundings. Life will happen according to its own design, so learn to embrace it.

This post is in no way telling people with anxiety to stop using their medication, but rather, to not depend on it, because we are NOT our anxiety…we are our own person.

 

 

 

 

Why Are We Obsessed with Bernie Sanders?

I belong to the generation of people who are known to be more selfish than any other generation in history. I have grown up with the rising trend in technology and the unhealthy addiction to our iPhones. I know what it’s like to be so desensitized from world affairs and to only focus on what I’ll be posting on Instagram later (should I post that selfie now, or wait another hour until more people are awake?). Bernie Sanders somehow opened the door my generation had closed for so long and led us out into the real world, hand-in-hand (not literally, but a girl can dream). But what is it about Bernie Sanders that gets our generation so worked up in the best way? Is it because of his strong liberal views? His sense of actually knowing what the f*ck is going on this world? or his charming good looks? Let me get to the point: Bernie Sanders made the “it’s all about me” generation socially aware. The obsession with Bernie Sanders is needed now more than ever so we can show the rest of the world what America actually needs.

Once I heard about who was running for the 2016 election, without thinking, I was set on Hillary Clinton solely based on the fact she was a woman and I always wanted to see a woman president. But after further investigation, (and this is a whole different story for an entirely different blog post) I couldn’t trust that woman for a second. I didn’t know anything about Bernie Sanders until I took the quiz on ISideWith.com to actually see who I sided with. No surprise, I sided with Sanders 92%.  From then on I started to see what this guy was really about. After watching various news stations and reading articles about him I realized that this man was insane! His views were so on track with mine. It blows my mind that there is a presidential candidate who knows the billionaire class is destroying our country, college tuition is too high, prohibition on marijuana is ridiculous, mass incarceration needs to stop, and minimum wage needs to be raised. Am I dreaming? Who knew someone running for president isn’t a phony and actually understands fully the issues we live with?

Bernie Sanders is that drunk girl you meet in the bathroom at a party who just gets you. He’s not afraid to tell you to dump that guy or that you’re better than the Gap. To put it simply, he’s not fake. He tells us what is not only wrong with America but how he’s actually going to change it. I’m not staring blankly asking “What?” after he speaks, like I do with other candidates, because he’s so straight up and to the point. He doesn’t want to build the Great Wall of America, like Trump, and he doesn’t change his viewpoints based on what group of people he’s speaking to, like Clinton. We want the drunk girl in the bathroom we become best friends with as president, not the guy trying to find a one-night stand at the bar.

I sincerely admire Bernie Sanders and his blunt attitude. In my eyes, he is going to be the reason why my generation becomes more socially aware. He is the reason why people my age are going to vote in the next election and most likely in future elections as well. He knows that there is a large group of young adults stuck in the midst of high tuition, low-paying jobs, and a lack of hope. Bernie brings us hope again… and this coming from a girl in the desensitized generation really says a lot.

America needs Bernie Sanders. This man knows what the hell he’s talking about. He actually knows why the world is so screwed. He’s straight to the point, there’s no beating around the bush with him, he has a world to change! I want to thank you, Bernie Sanders, for opening the eyes of my generation, we have never been so aware. So, when the presidential election of 2016 comes to a close and Bernie Sanders is announced the next President of the United States, you can thank the “it’s all about me” generation because we’re going to vote for the man who is changing us into the “it’s all about us” generation.